I love love love sharing things with people, and I forget sometimes that not everyone wants to hear all about me, me, me. Then again, what is this place for if not a spot to rant and rave about myself?
Anyway, I find myself having the same conversation over and over again with people, and I don't know if it's because I'm boring, or obsessed. Or just in deep, deep like (not love or lust, but heavy like). Yes, I'm talking about my f.i.b. Last night, at drinks with a colleague, I talked about him again (though I chose to go with the more ephemeral "met through friends" story, rather than reveal the truth. We're not that close). And, listening to myself, I thought it sounded kinda real. I mean, I joke and call him my fake internet boyfriend, and he certainly started as such, but, well, we're talking about more than 1000 emails between us over the last few weeks, some of them very revealing. Do I want to drop the "f" and the "i" and just call him my boyfriend?
Hell yeah. Yes, I very much do, but I have to be careful. If I put too much of myself into this, what'll happen if it all comes to nothing? I very much hope it won't come to nothing... or that it will come to be something, but I... well, I'm cautious.
But very imaginative. Because I can see heading up to Boston this summer on weekends to see him, rather than going down to the shore, or spending time with him here in New York. And we haven't even met yet face-to-face. We haven't even spoken on the phone.
All our communication has been in carefully constructed prose. Emails, text messages, stories and scenes. Good scenes. Very good, at times (and I blush a little as I write that).
But I want the next step. And I want him to want the next step. Because, how much fun would that be?