I never presume...

That all my lovely dedicated readers are clicking on all the useful, highly entertaining links over there to the side (*gestures wildly, like a drunk Joan Rivers*). So, when I read something that makes me laugh out load, I bring it to you, dear readers, in this very lovely forum.

Nobody said, "Don, this is extremely stupid, please don't do it." Nobody taught Don to dance, oh no. They just sat idly by while he used the same series of "turn to the camera, remove hands from pockets, hold out hands as if handing over a full punch bowl, clench fists and squinch eyes shut to relive a painful memory or bowel movement, punch the air" blocking moves over and over again. They let Duckie dress him in a sparkly tuxedo, and they let him shoot an interminable sex scene with both Lori Singer and Mystery Girl (not at the same time...thank God), intercut with footage of Dweezil Zappa trying not to laugh in Don's face, like, did Dweezil break curfew so many times that Frank had to ground him by making him work on Heartbeat? Him and Moon?

The genius Sarah Bunting, one of the founders of Television Without Pity, takes on the 1980s Don Johnson "music video" Heartbeat. I happily admit I've never seen this, or if I did, it's far enough back in a pastel and neon shoelace haze of the early 80s to have passed entirely from my memory. But I know the dance move she's talking about. I can picture it. And that? That scares me.

So, something cool to rinse the mental images from your head. Via De, check it out! Treadmill dancing!