A geeky girl living in the big city, making her way, the only way she knows how... no wait, that's The Dukes of Hazzard. Who am I again? Oh yeah, a pop culture obsessed writer, publishing person, and occasional nerd. And I'm getting married. I talk about that, too.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Hard work

A little bit of rambling here, going nowhere in particular. Just thinking about things, and hearing stuff from friends -- and if you think I'm talking about you, you may be right, but only partly. Only I've heard variations on the same tale a couple of times in recent days, weeks, months, ages, and I want to say something.

Love is hard. I get that. Or no, maybe love is easy. Falling in it, being swept away by it -- these all sound like things that happen in a rush, with a certain kind of momentum. But relationships -- relationships are hard. And you can't see that usually from the outside, and some of us, those ones who are maybe looking at you with a sense of awe that you've been able to find someone who fits in your life, we don't see that.

Until you tell us. Until you let us in. And that's hard -- talking about it, sharing what is after all the very personal details of your life with an outsider. And I don't want you to think -- any of you -- that I'm not grateful to be allowed that open access to your life, to know that you trust in our relationship, in our friendship, to invite me in. And despite hearing from a couple of people about problems in long term relationships...

I just want you to know that I still want that. What you have. Yes, you, specifically. Because the hard work, the thinking things through that requires two people -- that's still more than what I have alone. And I'm not lonely -- this isn't a pity party. This is just me recognizing, and hopefully being a bit of my optimistic self, and saying that two people working together on a relationship -- that, in itself, is a relationship. Does that make sense?

Those of you that may think I'm talking about you -- I want you to know that no matter what, I still look at you with that sense of awe, and a little envy. No, maybe a lot of envy.

Love is easy. Life is hard.


Blogger Boulder Dude said...


So very true.

1/09/2006 11:31 AM

Blogger Doyce said...

Word, girlie-girl. :)

1/09/2006 12:18 PM

Blogger Ted Carter said...

But not as hard as listening to other people give "sage" advice sometimes, 'tis true.

1/09/2006 1:06 PM

Blogger ktbuffy said...

That's not what I'm doing, you know that, right, Ted? I wouldn't dare presume...

1/09/2006 1:31 PM

Blogger Sean said...

I've been thinking about this post for some time now. It seems to me there are two kinds of answers to the questions about relationships. The comment above by Mr. Carter I agree with: some advice, the so-called "sage" advice, is often pithy and meaningless. It sounds great, and reads well, but is really just amphigory.

Real talk about relationships, it would seem to me, is messy, just like the relationships themselves. Any human endeavor is complex due to the complexities of the human heart--and any endeavor that attempts to mix two of them is almost too complex to even discuss.

With all of that said, I'm still going to comment (reminds me of a Cheers quote: "Love, who can explain it. Only a fool would try. I have a theory, though...").

I think you are right on the money when you said "two people working on a relationship--that IS a relationship." I don't know if this is true for everyone, but I have been married for 14 years and am still "working on" the relationship.

And, I suppose, life is hard, in a way, but it sure beats the alternative!

Thanks for a very thoughtful and candid post.


1/09/2006 4:07 PM

Blogger Avocet said...

I, too, have been thinking about this post for awhile, but have deleted every previous response I've composed.

I guess I'll just say that reading it makes me feel very sad and lonely. If any of you have a relationship to work on, cherish it.

1/10/2006 12:14 PM

Blogger Avocet said...

Man. I can sure stop a thread in its tracks, huh? Sorry about that.

1/11/2006 10:59 AM


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