A geeky girl living in the big city, making her way, the only way she knows how... no wait, that's The Dukes of Hazzard. Who am I again? Oh yeah, a pop culture obsessed writer, publishing person, and occasional nerd. And I'm getting married. I talk about that, too.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Crazy Dog Lady thinks I'm sexy

Had another little lie-in this morning, showered, ate some breakfast, and watched "Hitch" on DVD. When the roomie and I went out for some food for lunch, a short time ago, the woman who lives upstairs from us with her pooch (whom we lovingly call "Crazy Dog Lady") said I looked very sexy. Which isn't something I'm all that used to hearing when I'm dressed in comfy sweats, and haven't bothered to brush my hair. I suppose it's the disheveled look. Still, nice to hear, though it may just be further evidence that Crazy Dog Lady is the same upstairs neighbor we call "Tipsy the Wonder-Drunk." I live in a very colorful apartment building.

Otherwise, I'm looking forward to another relaxing day at home. I've been exchanging emails with a friend on and off all weekend, about various plans she had, but there's something lovely and peaceful about not having to go anywhere. It's not just about not going out to Brooklyn, where she is, so much as not going anywhere. I've got a few more manuscripts to read for work, but then I'm hoping to get into CoH later today. Maybe watch another movie.

Actually, speaking of CoH, I had an interesting RP conversation with another hero yesterday, going back to a storyline which is now several months old. Not to give too much away, but it seems as if everytime my little Noelle gets her love life in some sort of order, something comes along to screw it up. In this case, it's not something entirely new so much as a new perspective on an older situation. I'm looking forward to playing with it further.

What else? Oh, I was thinking of posting a excerpt from an older journal, to give my life a little perspective, but - in a rather sad commentary on my life, I guess - I'm not sure my old journals would be of interest to anyone else. I'm not even sure they're of that much interest to me. Well, I'll let you decide. This was me, then.

10 years ago today
I was living in London, working at a theatre in the general manager's office. Still my diary sounded rather tame.
Well, I arrived home from Paris fine last night, although the flight was delayed an hour leaving Charles de Gaulle. No other problems and I was able to come back to the flat, throw my bag on the floor, and relax with a cup of tea and the telly before bed.
Work was hectic today - An indication, I'm afraid, of what the weeks with Riverdance will be like. Oh well, only 1 more month anyway.
Theatresports class tonight - a small group only, but we did some really good work on emotions. I got to play angry, comforting, lustful, amazed, sorrowful, melancholic, and schitzophrenic. This week I definately have to get to the Actors Centre on Wednesday to see the team in action. I was also happy to hear that there is a New York Theatresports group, which I plan on contacting when I go home. This is just too much fun to give up easily!

5 years ago, not exactly today, but close
I think I was drunk.
Have you ever come across all the wisdom of the world in the walk home from a pub? All gone with the coming of sobriety, but in the moonlight, in the pale shadow of streetlamps and headlights, it all falls into order - a part of the tapestry. I'm under the spell of the moonsickness even now, with feelings gone in matters of hours, but at this moment, tonight, I've discovered one of the loneliest feelings in the night - to be by oneself amidst a group of people celebrating, enjoying themselves. This has been my weekend. Alone, mostly, and mostly lonely! Not the same thing, but two sides of a coin, or a double-edged sword. And there, too, is sadness. I'm alone because some of my friends are at the faire, and I'm alone because I chose not to be with them. This will all be meaningless in the daylight, save for the feelings of want, of belonging. Where exactly do I fit in? Not sitting on a barstool by myself while others are happy around me, not sitting on a beach chair by myself while others dance, and not, I lay odds on the future, in seeing what could have been this summer at the faire. But this is tonight, and with the rise of the sun, and the lessening of my headache, I hope to have a different view. But not tonight.
Well, that's all rather depressing. I got better, I'll have you know. And I don't miss working at the Ren Faire. I mean, I'm still alone, but rarely lonely. Just... sometimes.

7 Comments:

Blogger Hythian said...

If nothing else, I understand your loneliness comment from five years ago. I often never feel so alone or so isolated as I do when surrounded by others. Strange dichotomy there, but that is the way it often is. A sense of being apart even while a member of a crowd.

Cool to see little glimpses of your past though. Reminder that I don't know where you have been or what you have done really, makes you all mysterious and stuff to know you've been into Theatresports before and been to London and Paris.

9/25/2005 9:50 PM

 
Blogger ktbuffy said...

Ah, does that make me more alluring and femme fatale then, with my dark and unknown secret past? Because that would be cool!

*grins*

9/26/2005 12:15 AM

 
Blogger yi shun writes said...

I LOVE THIS IDEA! can i poach it and share it with other bloggers?

xoxo

9/26/2005 10:26 AM

 
Blogger ktbuffy said...

What, posting old entries? Of course you can, Yi! I have books and books and books of old journals... I should do *something* with them.

9/26/2005 11:06 AM

 
Blogger Boulder Dude said...

So...are you Sexy Sweats Wearing Woman to Crazy Dog Lady? ;P

But it is interesting reading both of those entries.

The second one sounds more depressed then drunk.

So, do you still identify with those two versions of your past self? Or do they seem like someone else speaking now.

9/26/2005 11:41 AM

 
Blogger ktbuffy said...

Hmmm... interesting question. They're still a part of me, of course. But it's like flipping through an old photo album and looking at old pictures. Yes, that -was- me, and I'm still recognizable, but it's not who I am now. A stranger wouldn't necessarily know the Me of Now from just seeing pictures (or reading entries) from Old Me.

Honestly, what I was most struck by in looking at my old journals was how very in-the-moment everything seemed. I wasn't writing -- I don't write -- for an unknown future reader, but just to try to make sense of everything now. FIve years, 10 years from now -- what will this all mean to me?

9/26/2005 12:12 PM

 
Blogger Ted Carter said...

And it is VERY brave of you to admit to working at a RenFest; I usually consider this one of my closest guarded secrets!

9/26/2005 3:00 PM

 

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