... //crickets chirp// ...

Wow. It's like... quiet here today. Very quiet. Almost as if no one has anything of great import to say. Wacky.

Well, I guess I could say something. Something that's been on and off my mind for a while. It's about friendship, so if that bores you, feel free to move along.

I love my friends. Some are new friends, made recently, and others are of longer standing, from college, or earlier, with others picked up along the way of all the activities I've partaken in throughout my life. There are times, I know, when I'm feeling closer to one group of friends, to one person, than to other friends, but in my mind, the truest sign of friendship isn't that you need or want or have to spend ALL your free time with someone. That gets old, fast, and may be one of the best ways to end a friendsship. Think about friends you've moved in with, for example, and see how long friendships sometimes last under that kind of pressure.

A good friend is someone you can call out of the blue and catch up with -- spend an afternoon with filling each other in on everything you've been doing since you last spoke, or, with some friends, picking right up again as if no time has passed at all.

Friendship isn't about WORK. It's not about making time, fitting someone in to your busy schedule, or bargaining -- I'll go there with you if you come here with me. All that can happen sometimes, sure, but when it does, you find yourself getting bitter. And that's not about friendship.

Maybe you met a friend during a time in your life when you were very social, hitting bars a couple times a week, catching new bands with some regularity, and maybe that's not the way you live your life now. If they just want someone to stand with while they hit on guys, that's not a friend. That's a drinking buddy. When I go out with my friends, I want to talk to them. TALK.

I don't know, maybe I'm ranting. And maybe you could catch me on another day and I'll have a whole different view of things. This is on my mind today because there are people who've disappeared from my life, for whatever reason. The thing is, for all the books and articles about breaking up with guys, there's much less said about breaking up with a friend. It happens, certainly, but I guess I thought it was a grade school thing -- "Ohmigod, I totally can't be friends with you anymore!" Which is too simplified, maybe.

Certainly there are people that may reflect a specific period in your life only, which has little or no bearing on what you do now. But do you find a way to keep them in your life somehow -- occassional dinners, chatty catch-up emails, random text messages when you see something that reminds you of them? Or do you just cut them out entirely, wash your hands, and go play with your new friends? I don't have an answer. I know what I prefer, but I also have this thing about wanting people to like me, wanting to be friendly.

*shrugs*

Ah well. There's no answer, and no point to this, I guess. The whole reaching out thing -- if the person that you're reaching out to refuses to lift a hand, to meet you halfway, there's nothing to do but move on, remember the good times, and try not to let it bother you so much. And sometimes, I guess, you do that by blogging randomly about it.

As you were.